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Disclaimer: Can be read at any time. Slight trigger warning for self-harm
We Were Never Separate
On a day just like any other, Jinhai was taking a nap between two other naps by the lakes. He was halfway to falling asleep. Some blurry pictures of a dream had already come to visit him, and he was wishing very hard that it would be the continuation of the last one. But a cheerful laughter woke him. It was coming from a child. It wasn't very close, but the water carried the sound far — breaking the calm stillness of Tír Ríoga; so it wasn’t hard to notice. He got into the water and slowly swam towards the sound. He peeked out from behind a rock and noticed a human child with his mom. They were surrounded by three or four girls, naiads, who were sitting by the shore: showing off their tails, one constantly tossing her hair from one shoulder to the other. They looked mesmerizing: perfect skin, smooth, colourful hair that never seemed wet despite just coming out of the water, and their shiny tails that glimmered in the sunlight like they were decorated by thousands of gems. They looked mesmerizing, and they were painfully aware of it. They did their best to pose for the little girl, who was not hiding her amusement in the slightest.
Jinhai tried not to get noticed by anyone, since they weren’t on particularly good terms. He decided to head back to his usual place, since the outsiders didn't seem to pose any danger. The mom probably just brought her little one to see the "mermaids", even though they were not mermaids.
However, just as he was about to turn back, he saw the child cheerfully stepping towards the naiads, who in turn screamed at her angrily. If the kid had taken another step, they probably would have tossed her away, even.
"Do not touch me!" one of them snapped, her voice suddenly sharp with spite.
The little girl who wanted to touch their shiny tail stopped and seemed frightened. Her image of the "beautiful mermaids" was shattered, and she was so shocked she didn't know how to react. That recognizable expression that would soon turn into loud crying slowly appeared on her face.
​"Hey!" Jinhai called, waving as he swam forward from behind the boulder. "You can touch mine if you want. Look, it's blue!" he added, hoping to distract the child from crying.
He succeeded; she was mesmerized again by the sight of another "mermaid" and ran towards him. It’s amazing how quickly children’s moods can change. Her mother had a just slightly noticeable worry on her face; she had most probably heard about the formidable strength of male naiads, who defend the entirety of this land themselves despite being very few in number. Jinhai tried to gesture that it's okay, but it was already late anyway ― the little girl was in front of him, looking up at the sitting man's face in awe.
"A boy mermaid?? How?!"
She soon got over her surprise and ran behind him to look at his tail. She touched it gently, caressing her little hands over the shiny scales.
Jinhai felt the scornful and disgusted looks of the naiad girls toward him, who, after some muttering, swam away.​
​
He spent about another hour with the girl, asking her the usual things one asks from children: her favourite colour, which was suddenly blue, of course, her favourite animal (to which the answer "mermaids" left a bad taste in the man's mouth, but he just smiled a little), and her favourite song.​
The girl's mother didn't say a word the whole time; she was relaxing on a rock in the sunlight. When sunset was just a few hours away, she stood up and urged her daughter to head home, since they still had to walk a lot before nightfall.
"Thanks for playing with her. She loves mermaids."
"No problem. She’s a very sweet child. Tell her that we're naiads, mermaids live in the sea, and they are way more vicious." Jinhai smiled up at the mother. He just wanted to correct her before she'd get in any danger with real mermaids.
"Can we have a scale?" the woman asked nonchalantly, not even answering his comment.
"What?"
"Can we have a scale? From your tail," her voice was almost as straightforward and indifferent as if asking for a loaf of bread at the market.
"Oh, sorry, they don't come off…" Jinhai hid his surprise and disappointment at the question.
"My darling would be so happy to have one, though, she could keep it, and it’d help her remember this nice day for sure… "
Somehow, Jinhai had the suspicion that it was not for the girl. It was for herself, hoping that it either has the naiads' blessing of good luck, or that she can fetch a good price for it with that notion.
"They- don't come off though.."
"What do you mean? Fish scale comes off, too, when we prepare it for a meal."
"Y-yeah- but" he was feeling more and more wretched at the comparison and at the thought of giving them a scale from his tail. The little girl didn't even think about something like that originally, but now that her mother brought it up, she was excited about it too. "It'd hurt though.."
"But it'll grow back, no? There are so many, I'm sure you can spare just one..."
Jinhai wanted to get out of this situation. He was feeling worthless, like an exotic animal for show. And he was scared of the thought of pulling out his scale. He's never done that, but he figured it'd probably hurt.
He ripped one out from around the part of his thighs, and bit on his lip because it really did hurt. A lot.
He wanted to hand it to the little girl, but noticed there was blood on it, so he quickly washed it in the water before she could see.
As they left, the girl waved happily, and her mother, who was now holding the scale, didn't glance back.
​He wanted to cry not only because of the wound, but because of this whole thing, but for some reason, he couldn't.
​​
About two weeks later, Gabriel visited him. He asked about the wound on his thigh, which was still bleeding from time to time. After all, in his human form, the wound was so deep it pierced through to his flesh. But he didn't want to tell where he got it. He didn't want to lie either, so he just kept diverting the topic: he knew how pathetic all this was.​
The next day, the mother came back. She was holding her child's hand and cheerfully waved at Jinhai from far away.
"They probably came back to thank me,” Jinhai thought. The woman seemed better dressed, but maybe he just read too much into it. They came back to thank him after all, so it’s okay.
"Hello! How have you been?" the woman asked in a kind tone.
"Oh, hi, I'm good," Jinhai introduced Gabriel to, who politely nodded as a greeting. He hoped that while thanking him, they wouldn't bring up the scale specifically, because Gabriel would find out.
"That's nice. Can we get another scale?"
Jinhai froze for a moment; he wasn’t able to comprehend the request. They are not for real, are they? Did he even hear it right?
"We lost it, so we came back for another one. Ah, it was such a long trip here." She suddenly had a more casual tone, complaining about the long route as if they were some close friends arriving for a visit.
Jinhai had a lump in his throat and started shaking; he didn't know why. Maybe it was his body's reaction to reliving that scene.
"The- it- the previous one didn't even heal yet.." Somehow, he had a hard time speaking, too. "Are you sure you've lost i-"
"Hey," Gabriel kindly grabbed the little one's hand and showed her something she should check out further away.
"Yes, I was searching everywhere.. I took my whole day off yesterday just to search everywhere..." The woman seemed sad; no, she seemed like she was acting sad.
Jinhai's heartbeat quickened and was louder and louder, in his throat, in his head.
"It'll grow back anyway, no?"
"Get out." Gabriel looked at her when the child was far enough to not be able to hear them.
"Excuse me?"
"I SAID GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" he yelled in the woman's face, leaning menacingly close. His hand moved towards her throat, but he stopped himself. Despite his slender and unthreatening build, his voice and his eyes radiated the feeling that if the woman didn't leave right away, she wouldn't live to see another day.
The two left in a hurry.
Jinhai had never seen his friend with such a temper before and wanted to say something. But Gabriel just sank to his knees, cupped his face in his hands and burst out crying, still turning his back to Jinhai. Jinhai had never seen him like this either.
It was strange. He was the one who had the urge to cry the whole time, but he couldn’t. Gabriel didn’t understand it either, but he couldn’t stop crying his heart out in Jinhai's place for minutes.​​
"It's an elven tiara. I brought it with me to show you." Gabriel carefully pulled out a headpiece from his travelling satchel.
As Jinhai watched the elegant craftwork, light from the campfire danced on its detailed surface. The crown perfectly captured the enchanted aura of the Thar Nuan forests. Light danced the same way in Jinhai's eyes.
Gabriel handed him the tiara when he realized that Jinhai wouldn't reach for it by himself.
"It's beautiful..."Jinhai looked at it for a few moments in silence. "Is this the one you get for being the local Lord's son?"
“Yes"
"How come you received it so late?" Jinhai looked at it carefully from all angles. Among the leaves, he noticed dragonflies delicately forged around it.
"We usually receive it when we're in some sort of leading position or when officially becoming the next Lord. Ever since the siren attacks have been more frequent, I've been acting as some kind of a leader, I guess... For the defence. So it seems that counts too."
"Why the dragonflies?"
"At this time, they ask what one would consider the animal that symbolizes them. Well, a spirit animal, maybe? We shall think deeply and choose one where your soul is at." Gabriel seemed like he was trying to explain it the best he could, although he wasn't sure if he could fully grasp their tradition in only a few sentences.
"So there are many dragonflies in Lelhalean too!"
"No, I- I mean I'm guessing there are, around rivers. But I was thinking of here."
"Here? Well, there are certainly many of them here..."
"Yeah.."
The two stopped talking for a little while, as their thoughts lingered on this gesture. The sorrow around them and their small campfire could be felt from miles away. This was an idyllic moment, one that was possible so rarely. Just the two of them talking until they fall asleep, and starting the next day, preparing breakfast, and then lunch, and then dinner, talking, talking. And the rest of the year, just waiting to see each other again.
"I've got these ear cuffs too. Two, even though I said I'd only wear one," Gabriel broke the silence to elevate the mood a little.
"Why one?"
"Cool asymmetry-style!"
Jinhai laughed.
"That's true."
"Well, anyway.. They told me they'll make two regardless, in case I lose it."
"In case you'd get carried away by your cool asymmetry and lose your right to the throne?" Jinhai asked, and they both started laughing.
"Yeah. What throne?! I'm not a prince."
"I wonder if the prince has such cool asymmetric accessories."
"Who, Captain Cecil?" Gabriel asked.
"Yeah"
"Did you know that he's not actually a prince? Or so I've heard just recently."
"'Prince' Cecil, you mean?"
"Yes. I mean, I heard he's very close with the King, but Prince is just his last name, apparently."
"What a smart move to be born with that name!" Jinhai was amused. "We should totally change ours to that too."
"So we'll all be princes?"
"I've been called Princess before!"
"... WHAT?!" Gabriel burst out laughing. "How come??"
"Because I wait here all my life, and everyone else has to visit me if they want to meet. I don't know who called me that, though, wasn't it you?"
"No, no, I never called you Princess," he laughed. "But I might from now on, that's hilarious. Very fitting, you really are like that if we look at it that way."
"I'm not!"
Gabriel was visibly amused by the thought of calling Jinhai “Princess,” and although he tried, he couldn’t hide his smile.
​
“Gabriel… “ Jinhai said after a few seconds of silence. ”I’ve been thinking…. Since naiads don’t have a surname……. “
“........yes?”
“What will my future wife take up after me?!”
He seemed like he was finally asking a question of great importance, one that might have kept him awake at night many times.
“I mean.. I guess, nothing?”
“That is so sad.” He seemed genuinely very sad. “Not being able to offer a family name. So sad! It feels like a group project where we suddenly had to choose a group name, and I was the one in charge. And I failed. … And also… WHAT IF SHE’D JUST GET HER NAME REMOVED?”
“What do you mean?” Gabriel was partly feeling for him, but also was just amused by Jinhai's overflowing feelings about something like that. After all, couldn’t he just choose a surname for himself? It’s not like there were many rules on that; people go around with names in all kinds of order, too. “I don’t understand.”
“I mean.. If my future wife cannot keep her own family name and would take up mine. If she takes up nothing, will she just be left with one first name too??”
“Wait, wha-?”
“Don’t you get it? Like, if you were to marry me.”
“HOLD ON, PRINCESS, HOW DID WE COME TO TH-”
“JUST TRYING TO EXPL- DON’T CALL ME THAT! SO IF- SO LIKE-! You’d just lose your family name, and you’d be just Gabriel. That was my contribution to the family, making you unidentifiable.”
As Gabriel started to understand this thought process, his face lit up in a huge smile, and he started laughing uncontrollably.
“WHAT’S SO FUNNY THAT’S SO SAD”
“THAT REALLY IS,” he gasped for air. “I- I’m sorry, that’s so funny! You can just choose a name yourself if you want, though!” he wiped some tears down from the corner of his eye.
“Nah, I’m good. I don’t wanna stress about whether to say my full name or not in introductions. Just Jinhai is fine.”
“AHAHAHA,” he continued laughing, now grabbing his stomach too; it seems like, after all that dramatic meltdown, Jinhai didn’t want to solve his problem after all.
There were times when they dived underwater too.
"Hey, how long can you hold your breath?"
"...For two whole minutes~" Gabriel replied after proudly smirking at the naiad for a few seconds to build up for the reveal of his achievements. He's been practicing at home, just in case a siren would drag him or someone else underwater while fighting. It is not unlikely that it would happen, so it is best to prepare as much as possible.
"....oh. That's short.." Jinhai sounded a little surprised and thought of the lung capacity of non-aquatic people...
"HUH?" The other was more than offended, and his pride quickly turned into disappointment in himself. "I see. I will practice more," he thought.
"It's okay, though! I wanted to show you something underwater, but we'll manage! I just need to bring you up more often." Jinhai's excitement couldn't be ruined by something like this; he really wanted to show his friend something.
"..Oh. Wait, is it really okay?"
"What?"
"Me going into the water. Since I'm an outsider. Isn't this the thing most outsiders get beaten up for?"
"Oh. Well.. It's true that we don't like others going into our water, but that's mostly because they're looking for pearls to steal."
"And for the lake's blessing qualities, I presume."
"That's the idea anyway. Or they’re dirty. But you know, it's us men who deal with them, so.. Protecting Tír Ríoga kind of makes us its rulers.. If someone sees you, you might earn some hateful looks, but as long as you're with me and I let you in, they can't really do anything." Jinhai explained.
"I've already gotten some of those glances from Roul, so I don't really care."
"Haha! That guy looks at everyone that way. It's fine, he's no boss of mine, so I'll do what I want. And I wanna show you something important!"
They got in the water. Jinhai turned his legs into a tail, while Gabriel slowly entered. He was surprised, because the water was much warmer than he'd expected. It's true that the ocean water on the shores of Lelhalean was exceedingly cold, so he figured a lake here would be warmer, but this one felt like it really did belong to a magical place. Just pleasantly warm.
He swam closer to Jinhai and looked underwater just a bit.
"Ah... It's so much easier to see underwater here than in the ocean... My eyes probably won't get red from this, either."
"Really?"
"Yeah, since you know, the ocean's salty, so.."
"...SALTY?" Jinhai was visibly shocked. wHAT?!
"Oh," so this is another fact of common knowledge that Jinhai is surprisingly unaware of, Gabriel thought. But it's fine, there's nothing wrong with not knowing things. "Yeah! It's salty water, and much colder too."
"How did salt get in there?! Wait, are you trolling me?"
"No, no," Gabriel laughed a little, not at him, but at his suspicious look that was kind of cute.
​"Why do you waste it? Do Lelhaleans have too much salt? Give it to me then."
"N-no, we didn't put the salt in it!"
"Wild culture. Are some waters peppery then?"
"Hahahahaha!" Gabriel started laughing, and he had to grab onto Jinhai's shoulder to avoid drowning in the water. Jinhai held him firmly.
"Do I sound very stupid now?" He thought that even if he did, he didn't mind, since at least it made Gabriel laugh.
"No, it's endearing," he replied. "It's fine if you don't know, I'll just explain. It just means we grew up encountering different things, so there must be many things you know that I don't as well.
Jinhai felt the warmth only Gabriel could make him feel. He was safe. Safe from feeling like he's too much, or feeling not enough, or feeling dumb for asking, or feeling like he needs to be pretending.
"I feel surprisingly comforted about not being dumb for hearing it from someone who pours salt into the ocean..."​
"Stop teasing me, you!" Gabriel grabbed Jinhai's head as if trying to push it under the water.
"Are you trying to drown a fish?"
"Are you a fish now?"
"I don't know. I've been pondering this myself. Thank you, though," he smiled genuinely at Gabriel for that previous comment and earned a smile back as well.
Jinhai grabbed Gabriel's waist with one arm and swam underwater with him, much faster than Gabriel could have on his own. This way, they had enough time in those two minutes to reach the lakebed below that area.
"Look," said Jinhai with a wide grin on his face.
Gabriel ―who was holding his breath and couldn't reply underwater― looked confused at what exactly he should be looking at.
"This one, I planted this one. It can smile and wave!" Jinhai pointed at a little plant that was not much different from other water weeds that were growing there, but it, in fact, looked like it was smiling and waving at them slowly. It was unclear whether it was the currents moving it or if it was moving on its own, but since it was a plant... even if Jinhai made it sound like it was actually waving...
Gabriel was processing the situation and ended up smiling so much at Jinhai's enthusiasm that he could barely keep his breath. He ended up waving back at the plant, and Jinhai did so too before they had to swim back to the surface for air.
Gabriel took a deep breath with a huge smile on his face, and Jinhai looked delighted that he liked his new friend...or pet?
"You're something else." Gabriel shook his head while moving his arms to stay afloat. "It looks very nice."
"Right! I think it likes you too. Want to go again?"
"Sure," he laughed.
​
And so they dived again. Jinhai showed him more plants, animals under the water, and they dived again and again. Eventually, they ended up back at the waving plant. The naiad was talking nonstop, even if the other couldn't reply. He seemed to forget that somehow and asked questions too. He repeatedly waved back at the plant because he felt it would be rude not to wave back, and the other followed him to make a good impression ― and because he was enjoying how comical the situation was.
It was so dumb, but Gabriel found himself not wanting to end the moment. He looked and waved at the plant again, then looked at Jinhai, who was talking to him. Then Jinhai got distracted by the plant's moving arms and waved again, so Gabriel did too, and he just couldn't bring himself to let go of the moment. After a little while, Jinhai froze with fear in his eyes and grabbed Gabriel to swim up with inhuman speed.
"Are you okay?!" he asked worriedly and held him firmly.
"Yeah.." his friend said after taking some time to catch his breath.
"Your face started to turn blue. Why didn't you signal to come up for air?"
"Sorry," he coughed some more. "I'm okay."
He didn't know what got into him either. He knew he could come back again, but held onto the moment so strongly that, if not for Jinhai, he would’ve drowned without even realizing.
"Sorry... Should've counted the two minutes.. I'm sorry.."
"Hey, I said it's okay, it was my fault. What was that last part? You went insanely fast just now."
"Oh, that, I-it's nothing."
"I didn't know you could swim that fast."
"I'll show you some other time, but not now. I am severely traumatized."
"Shouldn't it be me?"
"I’m so sorry… " Jinhai swam to the shore with him.
"I'll practice more... so I'll have more and more time," Gabriel thought while being dragged as if he couldn't swim at all anymore.
He pushed his wet hair back from his face and unbuttoned his shirt to let it dry.
"Oh, sorry.. You got wet," Jinhai apologized again and again.
Gabriel stared at him and stopped undressing for a second, then chuckled a little.
"I too was surprised to get wet from diving."
".. no I-" Jinhai laughed too, realizing how stupid he just sounded. "I meant it doesn't bother me, but for you it takes more time to dry; hope you won't catch a cold or something."
"If I did, I'd have to stay in Tír Ríoga until I recover. It doesn't sound that bad."
"Hm.. It really doesn't.. Please feel bad if you don't mind."
After giving an encouraging nod, Gabriel decided to lie down on a rock, close his eyes and sunbathe until he dried. Jinhai sat down next to him and stared at Gabriel for a while. Then laid his head down as well, to wait out that incredibly long time other species take to recover from water.
He fell asleep almost immediately.
Gabriel was just about to doze off, too, when he got a little startled by Jinhai's signature, whistling snore.
"Are you mocking me?"
...
"Nope, he really did fall asleep.. Guess I'll make lunch today~​​
A few days later, when the moon was nearing its fullest and brightest form — the safest for travelling — Gabriel left Tír Ríoga.
Jinhai found the other half of the elven ear jewellery on his nightstand, the one made "in case the other gets lost".
"How negligent of him... and got them just recently," Jinhai said out loud, even though no one was there, and he himself knew that it was forgotten there on purpose.
